You said this feeling is usually hidden,
And now I’m pulling it from my deep insides
As if it was a hunted animal, hiding
Whimpering in dark corners
And coming out shaking and shivering, grasped by the neck.
But this is not hidden, it’s all on the surface.
While I watch you with my sure face,
Tight white cold
Tucking the wrinkles back around my ears.
And smiling
Nothing is hidden. You only have to
Look. Watch.
You can see tears sometimes
Pulsing under my skin
moving my face
into a laugh.
To be back there.
To sit on the sand
With the crabs even,
Jellyfish and rocks.
To lie there like the blind old sea-turtle we found there once,
Watching the waves rise and fall.
Everything quiet.
And his torn out eyes washed back into the sea
Under the waves.
While he watches and smiles.
He’s probably dead.
And I would go back there
Just to feel yellow scratches on my feet
Just to see the last red sunset
Like no other
And lie there with him
And finally cry
Till my eyes are too
Washed into the sea.