You said this feeling is usually hidden,
 
And now I’m pulling it from my deep insides
 
As if it was a hunted animal, hiding
 
Whimpering in dark corners
 
And coming out shaking and shivering, grasped by the neck.
 
 
 
 
 
But this is not hidden, it’s all on the surface.
 
While I watch you with my sure face,
 
Tight white cold
 
Tucking the wrinkles back around my ears.
 
And smiling
 
 
 
Nothing is hidden. You only have to
 
Look. Watch.
 
You can see tears sometimes
 
Pulsing under my skin
 
moving my face
 
into a laugh.
 
 
 
 
 
To be back there.
 
To sit on the sand
 
With the crabs even,
 
Jellyfish and rocks.
 
To lie there like the blind old sea-turtle we found there once,
 
Watching the waves rise and fall.
 
Everything quiet.
 
And his torn out eyes washed back into the sea
 
Under the waves.
 
While he watches and smiles.
 
He’s probably dead.
 
 
 
And I would go back there
 
Just to feel yellow scratches on my feet
 
Just to see the last red sunset
 
Like no other
 
And lie there with him
 
And finally cry
 
Till my eyes are too
 
Washed into the sea.