12am, time to get up. my back is already hurting from staying too much in bed. i turn my back to the wall one more time for good luck and get off bed. ahh, what a headache. maybe i should lay in bed a little longer. but even before i get the chance to do that the phone rings. jesus, now i have to get up. "oh, it's you" i say to my boyfriend. "always nice to talk to someone friendly". we talk until he has to go to school to talk to his professor about this big final exam coming up. so finally i get out of bed and try to relax. why do these thought about her haunt me every morning? "i need to get out of the house" i whoisper to myself, and leave for my "running hour". not to fool anyone, i don't really run for an hour, i barely make the first 10 minutes of the hour, but it sounds nicer to say "hour". so this is it, the day is starting. breakfast, shower, and im on my way to my friend's house to watch a movie. if im lucky enough she's not gonna put in that girl interrupted movie again... i've had enough bad dreams in the past three months. that goes smooth.. we watched meet the parents and it's the funniest movie i've ever seen. so im back home all happy and in a good mood and i enter my room. i open my closet and find the letter i hid last night. they look the same, only colder. i open them one by one and look at the smeared letters my tears caused. i open the envelope with the pictures and stare at her.. stare at her until i can no longer see her clearly. now my tears are covering my face in a way that hurts. the corners of my eyes burn and my nose runs out of water. i see her, in my mind... i start to read those letters. first, the letters she wrote me. she said she missed me, and that she couldn't wait until i came to visit her. she told me about the scouts, and her awesome family. about her friends, and school, and everything in between. she didn't write me about her life though. she never did. so in the other letters, the letters i wrote her, i told her abouth her life. about my life without her. and the tears lose control again. so i hug myself and pretend it's her again... but then i just feel the coldness. i lay in bad, hugging her letters and looking at her picture. if i could only bring her back... then i imagine she's alive, and that im dreaming, and realize all over again that it's true... she's dead. i fall asleep in the empty coldness waiting for another ordinary day.